So, not sure where to start, so I'll just start with yesterday.

I took a short break to run to the bathroom. As I was leaving the floor, I walked past a couple of people that were sitting kinda out in the middle of the aisle. I said excuse me as I walked past. I then heard one of the girls that I walked by say 'excuse me', it sounded rather curt. I didn't look back, I just kept going. I didn't think anything of it, and when I came back I took a different route back to my desk.

Lunch time rolls around and I head down to the break room. I grab a bag of chips out of the vending machine and sit down with my book. I start to nibble on my chips and sammich while reading, and I notice that some my co-workers from upstairs come in on their break. It's the girls that I walked past earlier. Out of nowhere, one of them asks me if I'm enjoying my lunch. I find it a little strange, but say yes. I don't know if she was just trying to be friendly because I happened to be sitting there, or if maybe she was implying something else.

I think I've been a little hyper sensitive lately. There was a girl in the break room a few days ago who kept staring at me. The second time I noticed it, I started to feel ashamed. I know that I'm overweight, and I've been trying to watch what I eat and even started Zumba classes at the local gym. I've never been so self conscious that I couldn't eat in front of strangers, but now I think I may start finding a secluded spot to eat or just eat in my car.

Speaking of the gym, why do some women put on makeup and style their hair for an high intensity aerobic class? If you're putting any kind of effort into the routines, you're going to end up with raccoon eyes and sweat filled hair. I know that I'm dripping when I get finished with class.

In other news, I am enjoying Zumba. I do feel a bit like a klutz and rather uncoordinated sometimes, but I'm working on it. I'm usually in class about 4 times a week, and started the toning class once a week. With the Sunday classes starting this week, I'll be up to 5 classes a week, so hopefully, the weight will start to come off. I'm changing my eating habits bit by bit. I've been doing well with cutting out the soda. I just need to be a little more watchful as to how much junk food I'm eating. We don't go out as much, but there are nights where we haven't gone grocery shopping and JB doesn't want to go to the store, so we head to Chick Fil A. I'm trying to not get discouraged, and I know it's going to take time, but I would love to see immediate results.

I don't think today is going very well for me.

I woke up feeling alright, finished watching a Nostalgia Critic video, did my Facebook thing and grabbed my shower.

During the shower, thoughts from yesterday kept creeping back into my brain. For some reason I can't seem to shake something that he told me yesterday. I had been flipping through my latest Victoria's Secret catalog and saw the $2 million dollar bra they have. (142 carats of diamonds on it with white gold accents!). I jokingly told him that he should by it for me, and he said 'only if it comes with the girl'.

D:

I'm pretty sure he was joking, but it still got to me. I let it go and went on with the day.

I manage to shake it while I was in the shower but on the drive to work, it came back and my brain went into another direction. I got to thinking about the ex and about presents from him. I kept hinting that I wanted a certain necklace for valentine's day. I even sent him the link over AIM. Did I get it? Nope. At Walmart one night prior to Valentine's Day, against my wishes, he bought me a back massager and when we got into the car, he put it in my lap and said 'Happy Valentine's Day.'

D:

I'm beginning to wonder if I'm worthy of jewelry as a gift. Yes, Xander gave me his mom's ring and I cherish it, but there are other sparklies that I would like to have. I know I could buy them for myself, but it doesn't have the same meaning for me.

I know it sounds incredibly materialistic of me to want jewelry, but in my defense, most of what I want is pretty inexpensive. With the exception of the $3k ring that I want XD

I don't really want the 2 million dollar bra, it'd be impractical and I could never wear it.

But I digress.

I had to call AT&T for a customer and the AT&T agent got shirty with me because I had mentioned that the customer had been trying to contact an AT&T store and had been transferred to me. I explained to her that the customer wanted to know what her options were for potentially upgrading an existing line. She wanted me to verify the customer's account. WE DON'T DO THAT!!!! We are not required to verify the account info. We don't even have a way to do it. Then she wanted my last name, we don't give out that information. I heard her sigh and in my mind saw her roll her eyes and then asked to put the customer through.

For the most part, the day is going ok so far. Just a few minor snags here and there…I'll live…I think.

Rule #1 when calling tech support:

Don't get pissy with your advisor. We are trying to help. When we tell you that something can't be done, it can't be done.

I'm sorry that I can't connect with the last person that you spoke with, but if you'll calm down, take deep breath, and realize that it's not 'OMG THE END OF THE WORLDZ', more than likely, I can help you with your issue, or get you to someone who can.

Rule #2

We can't change company policies to suit you. I'm sorry that we don't have free phone support. You do have other options available to you, if you would take the time to do some research. If you don't know much about computers, either learn, or return your device.

Rule #3

BE NICE. Tech support is not made up of robots. There are actual people on the other end of the phone. We have feelings too and don't like to be yelled at. Thankfully I'm not as squishy as I used to be and I don't let stupid things you say bother me. I leave it at work.

Rule #4

Listen to what we tell you. If you don't understand something, please ask for clarification. Sometimes we forget that not everyone understands when we say something, and start speaking in techie babble.

Rule #5

Be as specific as you can. Don't say 'My 'device' is broke'. There could be a variety of issues going on. Don't get upset when we start probing to find out exactly what happened. If the device won't turn on, say it won't turn on. If you've already tried to troubleshoot a bit, let us know what you've done so that we don't have you do it all over again.

Rule #6

If you get a customer satisfaction survey, send it back in. If you were satisfied, say you're satisfied. Don't be a douche nozzle and send back negative feedback just because you want to.

So yeah, just feeling a bit mopey and weepy today. Something that Xander told me last night kinda got to me while I was in the shower this morning. He had told me that the girl that he dated after we stopped dating, made fun of me because I stopped calling him. He had mentioned it to me before, and it didn’t bother me then, and I’m not sure why it’s bothering me now.

Maybe it’s because this girl didn’t know me. She didn’t know what was going on in my head at the time. I was a in a very strange place emotionally when I met Xander. I had just found out a monthish earlier that the person I thought I was in love with, had met someone else. I felt completely worthless, had lost close to 20 pounds, and at the same time, V, was sending me mixed signals, like there was a still a chance for us. I did like Xander, he made me laugh, was easy to talk to and he liked me. I was 25, had little to no experience with adult relationships and I felt like my head was spinning. I made the choice to not continue dating Xander at that time because I didn’t want to hurt him. I knew that if V ever told me that he wanted to be in a relationship with me, that I would end any relationship I was in for that chance. Was I stupid? Yes, I admit it. There were things about V that I thought I wanted, and that I thought he would give me. Turns out that I was wrong of course...but that’s the thing about life, you make mistakes and you learn from them. Looking back on that time period, I wasn't ready for Xander. Did I hurt him, yes, and it kills me to this day that I did that. I’ve apologized so many times.

I think the important thing for me to take away from all this is that I did what was right for me at the time. I had a lesson that needed to be learned and I think I learned it. Now this girl does know that Xander and I are married, so I wonder what she would say to that?

Seriously dude…just chill the fuck out. You have no idea how software works. So just shut up and let the software do it's job.

I swear…if I thought I could get away with it..I would start a blog about my adventures at work. I get some real doozy customers.

This guy takes the freaking cake. Like Whoa. He's questioning everything that I tell him he needs to do. HELLO?!! I'm the tech support. YOU CALLED ME, REMEMBER?! I do know what I'm doing, just because you don't want to update your software, doesn't mean I don't know anything..

If you're getting pissed of because of software and it's 'making you sick', you have serious issues and you need to CHILL OUT!

You wouldn't have had this problem if you didn't erase a built-in app and then decide that you want it back.

I have no idea how I'm going to survive the next two hours…I hope that I don't have anymore stupid customers that think they are smart.

This is going to drive you to drink? Xander had better have a rum and coke waiting for me when I get home.

Can one change the nature of one's soul?

According to The Hermetica, a person's soul is matched with a body.

"A sluggish soul with a sluggish body, a lively soul with a lively body."

If one were to realize their soul had a negative nature (ie, angry, lazy, etc.), could they change their nature?

I'm sure that on some level they can, even if only slightly. Is this how a soul grows in wisdom? By recognizing it's faults and striving to change them?

I think that it can be done, but possibly not in one lifetime. One would have to realize and become self aware and know their faults in order to change them.

Some people may know their faults but lack the discipline needed to change. Others may not see their faults as bad or that it's something that doesn't need to be changed. They may balk and state that it's their nature to be this way and that there isn't anything they can do to change this. These souls could be very young and not very wise. It may take may lifetimes in order for a soul to realize and become self aware.

This is how a soul grows. Through self exploration and finding one's faults and making the changes needed.

Life experiences also play a factor in what way a soul grows.

I also believe that Astrology may play a larger factor in one's life. In one life, someone may be born under a weak sign. This may render the soul unable to change and learn and become self aware. In their next life, or reincarnation, they may be born under a stronger sign and have the guidance of the gods to make the changes that need to be made in order to become self aware

I'm weepy today and not feeling completely like myself.

I decided to stop by Cricket to see if they had a inexpensive phone so I could stop blowing cash on minute cards for my Trafone. The cheapest phone they had was $50 + $15 activation + taxes = $73 bucks that I don't have right now. The website is offering a $30 phone, but if I do this, I'll be using money from Mom's savings account and I don't have a debit card for that. So it looks like I'm sol until next payday.

Ran by Meijer to see what kind of pot selection they offer because I needed a couple of pots for my Moon Cactii. They've got nada by the way. No simple clay pots of ANY kind. Walmart has the right pots, but they don't have the drainage trays to match. On a whim I stop by Hobby Lobby and BAM! Small pots with trays! One caveat, they only have packs of 6 and I only need 2. I suck it up and buy them because it's less than $5 for them and that means I can buy more cactii later!

So yeah, I'm feeling pretty sad today. Not entirely sure why. I'm also feeling really fat. I should load my bike into my car, inflate the tire at the gas station and then go for a ride. Yeah, I think that's what I'm going to do. I hope it helps me feel better.