So yeah, just feeling a bit mopey and weepy today. Something that Xander told me last night kinda got to me while I was in the shower this morning. He had told me that the girl that he dated after we stopped dating, made fun of me because I stopped calling him. He had mentioned it to me before, and it didn’t bother me then, and I’m not sure why it’s bothering me now.

Maybe it’s because this girl didn’t know me. She didn’t know what was going on in my head at the time. I was a in a very strange place emotionally when I met Xander. I had just found out a monthish earlier that the person I thought I was in love with, had met someone else. I felt completely worthless, had lost close to 20 pounds, and at the same time, V, was sending me mixed signals, like there was a still a chance for us. I did like Xander, he made me laugh, was easy to talk to and he liked me. I was 25, had little to no experience with adult relationships and I felt like my head was spinning. I made the choice to not continue dating Xander at that time because I didn’t want to hurt him. I knew that if V ever told me that he wanted to be in a relationship with me, that I would end any relationship I was in for that chance. Was I stupid? Yes, I admit it. There were things about V that I thought I wanted, and that I thought he would give me. Turns out that I was wrong of course...but that’s the thing about life, you make mistakes and you learn from them. Looking back on that time period, I wasn't ready for Xander. Did I hurt him, yes, and it kills me to this day that I did that. I’ve apologized so many times.

I think the important thing for me to take away from all this is that I did what was right for me at the time. I had a lesson that needed to be learned and I think I learned it. Now this girl does know that Xander and I are married, so I wonder what she would say to that?